Thursday, July 8, 2010

Personal thought: Sudden sadness

Browsing through my friends page and seeing them happy with their respective family and partner make me think and ask myself. "When will i be completely happy?". I know that we should not depend our happiness to other people, yet isn't it true that there's always that one person who will complete us. 

Back in college, i found someone who i thought was my first true love, but lo!, he isn't the one destined for me. I thank God for letting me realized that. The first time i have love and accepted someone despite what other people said about him was with R. I liked and chose him for he is simple. He loved my family and accepted me despite things said about me. But i chose not to continue with the relationship for i felt like i wasn't treated like a girlfriend but a mere trophy to be shown in public and his friends. Still, i am thankful, for i have learned that love is not about mere attraction, wants or lust. Love is acceptance, forgiveness, and trust. 

I tried avoiding getting into other relationships for i am scared to get hurt again. Coz when i fall in love, i really love with all my heart. I've learned that you must not look for love, dont search love, instead let time and God allow you to cross each other's path. 

Another serious relationship i had was with J. I thought he is already the "one". I was so in love with him and already planned my life with him. My family and relatives know and met him already. Yet, life is truly unpredictable. Coz even if how much we wanted to be love and love someone, when we reached the point when we already feel so weary and sad, it is already both the heart and the mind that tell us to give up and start loving yourself before loving someone. I am thankful though for again i have learned so much from the experience of being in love, being cared for and caring for someone, acceptance that not all the things we want we can achieve. I have learned to fight for myself and value myself more. 

Each of us just want to love and be loved in return. I have always been in my continuous journey of search to find that one person who would accept me for who i am, someone who would love me and respect me, someone who would patiently understand me, someone who can love me unconditionally. I am patiently waiting and loving. I know and i believe that i deserve someone and somebody who i always prayed for. Someone who i can truly say made me complete and made me genuinely happy. 

I am not in a hurry to be with that person. In God's time and in God's will, i know everything will be fine. I just have to live my life and enjoy every second of it. 

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